Open Mouth, Insert Stiletto, Part Deux

Last week I wrote about how my big mouth got me in trouble recently at a wedding. At Jsquared’s friend’s wedding I referred to the brother of the groom as "short" and things went haywire (see http://abagel.blogspot.com/2006/06/open-mouth-insert-stiletto.html). After finding out about the destructive path caused by my comments I sent Jsquared an email apologizing for everything; Jsquared forwarded this email to Groom. Jsquared and I have been waiting all week to hear from Groom about whether my apology was accepted. This is what Jsquared got back (with some changes to protect my ass from getting in trouble again):

Worry not my friend, life and shit and things that have happened will sort
themselves out and be straight. We SSSSs have dealt with much worse, MUCH WORSE.
Tell Lux her sentimentsand wishes are well received and much appreciated. It's
all good. Whatever can or will be said can or will and that's that. OK? OK.

Boys and girls, can we say "overly dramatic?" At least Groom realizes there are MUCH WORSE things that people have to deal with in this world. If this is how he reacts to a comment about his brother's posture I'm scared he'll pull a gun on someone who makes fun of his kid at Little League. However, I’m happy that I am in the clear and my apology was accepted. And I’m happy that things have been smoothed over between Jsquared and his friend.

Gifts I bought Jsquared for his birthday

1. Dirt - not the stuff from the ground; the hair product by Jonathan from the show Blow Out. A skeptic might say that this $25 goop is no better than the free soil outside. However, Jsquared expressed an interest, and I followed up

2. Superman T shirt and flipflops - not much of an explanation needed. He is a huge comic book geek

3. A Caleb Carr book - he is a huge fan of The Alienist, so I bought him the Italian Secretary. I also put a code in the book, underlining various letters in the opening chapter to spell out a message to him. Yes its corny, but Jsquared likes corny

4. Deck of cards with a photo from our Puerto Rico vacation printed on the back - got these from the Kodak gallery. I chose a photo that will remind us of the trip, but won’t embarrass him if he pulled out these cards on poker night.

5. A framed cartoon by Lux - I drew a funny cartoon about Jsquared and framed it. Again he loves the cheese factor

6. Wrote a song - Though some might call this is corny, writing this song was a huge amount of fun. Finding words that rhyme with "turkleton" is not easy, but the end result was rewarding. Plus, Jsquared wrote me a song for my birthday and I thought that was one of the best birthday presents I ever receive.

7. Cigar Regulator for his humidor - boring and he smokes way to many cigars, but I know he needed it.

8. Case of Southern Tier Unearthly Imperial IPA - the beer of champions. Finding a case of this stuff was like investigating a crime. It took numerous phone calls, interviews, and legwork. Can you believe that a 12 bottle case of this beer costs $85?

9. Lemon Poundcake - his favorite dessert

10. The big one: I signed us up for an Introduction to Wines class at the Culinary Institute - this is a serious class for those who want to learn about wine. For ages we have discussed taking a wines class, but neither one of us ever follows through. Well this time I did.

Excessive, yes. Jsquared is acting like a bit of a baby about turning 35. This is ok with me since I was a huge baby about turning 29. But I want him to know that he is loved and appreciated. And since I won’t tell him I love him (for reasons that I will explain in a later post), I’m showering him with material things instead. It would be cheaper if I could just say the words, but I will NOT say it first. At this point its turning into a bit of a battle of wills about who can hold out longer. All I can say is: I will win.

I hate rain

Left work and went shopping for my sister’s birthday present. Along the way I purchased a few things for myself. As I was walking home, laden down with shopping bags, the skies open up and I was caught in a torrential downpour. I did not have an umbrella, but since I was only two blocks from my apartment, I decided to tough it out. By the time I get to my door, I was soaked to the bone and my paper shopping bags were ready to disintegrate. While huddling on the doorstep I madly searched my bag for my keys . . . and realized I left them in the office. However, I had no cash on me to take a taxi. I trudged back out into the rain to find an ATM, but a block later I’m able to jump on a bus.

Back at the office, security listened to my plight but eyed me warily. Considering that I looked like a sodden mess clutching four ripped shopping bags, I wasn’t surprised. However, I must have sounded official because they let me into my office to grab my keys. Having reached the last ounces of my reserve, I decided to find an ATM, get cash, and take a cab home. While crossing the street, a car drove at Mach 10 through a huge puddle, sending a tidal wave of dirty water over my head soaking me for a second time. I took a cab home, poured myself a beer, and brought it with me into the shower.

I’m not sure why karma decided to unload a can of whoop-ass on me. I guess this is pay back for my comments to SSS.